How Sesshoumaru Stole Christmas!
by Calum the Angel
Summary: [oneshot]It's Christmas time in Hanyouville, and if Sesshoumaru doesn't act soon, he's going to have to put up with the same Christmas hoohah that he has been for the past fiftythree years! What's a youkai to do...?


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha or "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".  
  
A/N: This story is based on the original Dr. Seuss story "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", in case you hadn't already figured that out. It's a little late for Christmas, but there's still snow on the ground where I am, and a little Sesshoumaru fun is always a treat!  
  
...:::+*+:::...  
  
Every Hanyou down in Hanyou-ville like Christmas a lot...  
  
But Sesshoumaru, who lived just North of Hanyou-ville, did not.   
  
Sesshoumaru hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season!  
  
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.  
  
It could be that his toes had suffered frostbite.  
  
It could be, perhaps, that his kimono was too tight.  
  
But I think that the most likely reason of all  
  
may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.   
  
But, whatever the reason, his kimono or his toes,  
  
he stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Hanyous.  
  
Staring down from his cave with a sour, youkai frown  
  
at the perverted houshis below in their town.  
  
For he knew every Hanyou down in Hanyou-ville beneath  
  
was busy now, shining up every sword's sheath.  
  
"I want Tetsusaiga!" he sighed with a whine.  
  
"Tomorrow is Christmas and it should be mine!"  
  
Then he growled, with his clawed fingers nervously drumming,  
  
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"  
  
For tomorrow, he knew all the Hanyou lassies and lads  
  
would wake up bright and early, and rush for their brands!  
  
And then! Oh, the pain! Oh, the pain! Pain! Pain! Pain!  
  
That's one thing he hated! The PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN!   
  
Then the Hanyous, young and old, would sit down to a feast.  
  
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!  
  
They would start on bowls of rice, and rare ramen noodles (they were called).  
  
This was something Sesshoumaru could not stand at all!   
  
And then they'd do something he liked least of all!  
  
Every Hanyou down in Hanyou-ville, the tall and the small,  
  
would stand close together, with Sesshoumaru above, scowling;  
  
they'd stand hand-in-hand, and the Hanyous would start howling!   
  
They'd howl! And they'd howl!  
  
And they'd HOWL! HOWL! HOWL! HOWL!  
  
And the more Sesshoumaru thought of the Hanyous' ceaseless bawling,  
  
the more Sesshoumaru thought, "This is extremely appalling!  
  
Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!  
  
I MUST stop Christmas from coming! ...But how?"   
  
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!  
  
Sesshoumaru got a wonderful, awful idea!   
  
"I know just what to do!" Sesshoumaru laughed, nose sounding stuffy.  
  
And he acquired a Sesshie Claus hat and his fluffy.  
  
"I'll fool them all," Sesshoumaru said with a sniff.  
  
"With my fluffy and hat, I'll steal all of their gifts!  
  
All I need is a reindeer..." Sesshoumaru looked around.  
  
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.  
  
Did that stop our favourite Youkai...? "No!" Sesshoumaru snapped,  
  
"When it comes to making reindeer, I, Sesshoumaru, am quite apt!"  
  
So he called his imp Jaken. Then he took some red thread  
  
and he tied a big horn on top of his head.  
  
Then...  
  
He loaded some bags, all the while happily talkin',  
  
and on a ramshakle sleigh he hitched up old Jaken.   
  
Then Sesshoumaru said, "Go, Jaken." and the sleigh started down  
  
toward the homes where the Hanyous lay snoring in their town.   
  
All their windows were dark. A thin miasma filled the air.  
  
All the Hanyous were dreaming sweet dreams without care  
  
when he came to the first house in the square.  
  
"This is stop number one," Sesshie Claus hissed,  
  
and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.   
  
Then he slid down the chimney, but his fluffy got stuck.  
  
He quietly muttered to himself, "This really sucks!"  
  
It got stuck only once, and the soot made him cough.  
  
He managed to free himself and then dusted his fluffy off.  
  
Little Hanyou scabbards were all hung in a row.  
  
"These scabbards," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"   
  
Then he sashayed and strutted, with a smile that made  
  
poor Jaken freak out; it made him afraid.  
  
Ramen! And oden! Pretty jewels! Strings of beads!  
  
Bicycles! Fangs! Kimonos! Bamboo reeds!  
  
He stuffed them in bags. Then Sesshoumaru, very elegantly,  
  
stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!   
  
Then he strode to the pantry. He took food by the oodles!  
  
He took the bowls of rice! He took the ramen noodles!  
  
He cleaned out that pantry as quick as a flash.  
  
Why, Sesshoumaru even took their last toke of Houshi-hash!   
  
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with a smirk.  
  
"And now!" grinned Sesshoumaru, "time to conclude my work."   
  
And Sesshoumaru grabbed the tree, and he started to shove  
  
when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.  
  
He wondered "Who could it be? Who could it? WHO?"  
  
Little Rinny-Lo Hanyou, who was not more than two.   
  
Sesshoumaru had been caught by this little human daughter  
  
who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.  
  
She stared at the fluffy man and said, "Sesshie Claus, why?  
  
Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?"   
  
But, you know, old Sesshoumaru was so quiet and smart  
  
he thought up a lie, and shot it out like a dart.  
  
"Child, I need nothing from you," Sesshie Claus said,  
  
"Any kindness you offer will be wasted and dead.  
  
But I wonder, where did you get those bruises there?  
  
I was just curious, it's not like I care..."   
  
And the child smiled at him. He sighed and patted her head  
  
and he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.  
  
And when Rinny-Lo Hanyou went to bed with her cup,  
  
Fluffy went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!   
  
Then the last thing he took was the pen used to bevel.  
  
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old devil.  
  
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.  
  
There wasn't even enough left for a summer home buyer.  
  
And the one speck of food that he left with some rocks  
  
was a crumb that was even too small for a fox.  
  
Then...  
  
He did the same thing, swiping many Hanyous' gift boxes  
  
leaving crumbs much too small for the other Hanyous' foxes!   
  
It was a quarter past dawn... Sesshoumaru could not stay.  
  
All the Hanyous were sleeping when he packed up his sleigh.  
  
He packed it up with their ramen! And oden! Pretty jewels! Strings of beads!  
  
Bicycles! Fangs! Kimonos! Bamboo reeds!  
  
Three thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Youkai,  
  
he rode to the tiptop, he would make them all cry!  
  
"My work is almost done." Sesshoumaru felt most alive.  
  
"They're finding out now that no Christmas will arrive.  
  
They're just waking up, coming out of their grog.  
  
Everu Hanyou down in Hanyou-ville will whine like a dog!  
  
That's a noise," Sesshoumaru grinned, "That I would most love to hear."  
  
So he paused and he listened with his cute pointy ears.  
  
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
  
It started in low. Then it started to grow...   
  
But the sound was not whining! It most certainly was not!  
  
This very holiday that Sesshoumaru had fought  
  
had come without ramen! It came without beads!  
  
It came without pelts, fans, mirrors. Indeed!   
  
He stared down at Hanyou-ville with burning yellow eyes.  
  
He quivered in rage when he saw and heard the cries.   
  
Every Hanyou down in Hanyou-ville, the tall and the small,  
  
was howling without any presents at all!  
  
He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming; it came  
  
someway or another. He felt most ashamed.  
  
And Sesshoumaru, with his doggy feet ice-cold in the snow,  
  
moped to himself, "I miss Rinny-Lo..."  
  
He stood there and moped with Jaken ever at his side  
  
until a little bit of cruelty within him had died.  
  
"Maybe happiness," he thought, "doesn't come from a sword."  
  
This coming from his master, Jaken was totally floored.  
  
And what happened then? Well the legend, it goes  
  
that Sesshoumaru's heart grew, and ever since grows.  
  
And the minute his heart felt of immeasurable size,  
  
He flew back down to Hanyou-ville and joined in the cries.  
  
He brought back their things. He found they had things in common.  
  
And he, Sesshoumaru, served the containers of ramen!  
  
...:::+*+:::... 


End file.
